The great Id Ego conflict
by Milleniumenjimon
Summary: In this little mindless story we find out that Lyserg is messed up, Marco had Messed up and Patch cafe is just a mess.


**The great Id-Ego conflict.**

Met Lyserg, a dowser from England who is an contestant in the shaman fight tournament and a member of the X-laws. In the past he has done some strange things, attack others so he can _join_ there team, abuse his spirit than be highly apologetic as if there was a switch in his brain that is constantly going off. In fact Chleopatra Morphine (known only as Morphine, or as her stage name, Sunshine) swears that he was bipolar.  
One minute he was belittling her for not being effective enough to kill Hao the next he's in a fur-lined speedo with some oil, handcuffs and a few suggestions of enlarging herself to his height(it was fun the first six times, but after nine months and a kid that was placed up for adoption it stopped being fun.) Luckily Marco had some horse tranquilizers when ever that happens, he never quite explain what happen to the speedo though.

The reason for this is highly complex psychological jibber-jabber of the three key parts of the mind, the Id, Ego and Superego.  
The Id is Lyserg's "devil" self, the Superego is his "angel" self, the ego is the poor smuck in the middle of all with a devil and an angel on his shoulders.

When the two collide it's known as the Id-Superego conflict.  
A perfect example would be today, as Lyserg pondered his place in the X-laws he decided to visit a person known to listen to the most depressing problems who was at the moment in the Patch café.

"And that's my problem," Lyserg said before waiting for an answer. Across the table from him enjoying her tea was Mari, normally X-laws and Hao followers would never even stay in the same room but he needs an outside opinion that he can trust; Mari was trustworthy as far as this department was concern, plus she was hot so it was win-win.  
"Well?"

"Well what?" Mari set her tea down. "You just sat down and said _and that's my problem._"

"Oh, right." Lyserg was silent for a moment, "okay I don't know where I fit in. In a way I feel at home with the X-laws but there are times I feel as if they are a chain slowly strangling the very life out of me."

"Mari what's you do everyone a favor, please stop bothering me." Mari took a large gulp of tea, she pondered on getting another cup but sided against it for now. "Mari is getting a little tired of hearing about problems, _Mari, I need love advice_, _Mari, I want your opinion, Mari, I need a hand with this lotion._" She scoffed, "Jun's arms weren't broken, she should be able to rub lotion on her own boobies."

The entire café had stopped, there were loud crashes all around as cups and coffee-tea pots smash as they landed on the floor. Lyserg had mentally shut down as he became a temporary vegetable, at least until Marco had just walked in while wheeling around the iron maiden that Jeanne resides in. He straighten up, Marco was hovering over him as if he was a shadow that has taken on it's own life.  
"Lyserg," he spoke with a low tone. "May I ask why are you speaking with the enemy?"

Lyserg gulped as he scrambled through his messed up brain for some kind of answer, his mouth felt like mush and his tongue was tied. He was screwed if he told the truth, but if he lied he would be a dead man if they find out he lied later.  
"Lie, Lie through your teeth." Lyserg heard a small voice say, a figure the size of Morphine appeared on his shoulder, it was in the form of Lyserg with a black X-law uniform. "They won't know it, you're not going to be caught until _after_ Hao is destroyed."

A Lyserg in a normal X-law uniform only with a halo above him appeared on his other shoulder, Lyserg and Id Lyserg kind of shot a glance at him awaiting his advice. He open his mouth to speak, "what? I concur, you're mission in life is to destroy Hao..." The other two were a bit stunned at the response.

"I can see them," Jeanne said as the port of her iron maiden opened. "If you lie than you are turning you back against the X-laws for personal vengeance," she paused for a moment, this was more for dramatic effect and to let it sink in or have Marco take a moment to lecture the boy.

"So you can become the **NEW** Hao!" Superego Lyserg had every eye that could see him focus on him, Id Lyserg and Lyserg slid away from him afterwards. "Come on, you can't say it wouldn't impress your son?"

"You have a child?" Marco pointed at the young boy.

"What would have impressed him if he actually stayed with him instead of just placing him on the doorstep of an adoption office," Id Lyserg resorted. Everyone was now staring at the conflict of the psyche.

"Okay, that's enough from both of you," Mari snapped. "Mari just wants a day where no one comes to her and tell her problems, but you have annoyed Mari where she has to help or else she'll never get any rest." She pointed at Marco, "you, you're Lyserg's new Id," next was Jeanne, "you, his Superego," she pointed at Silva who was working behind the counter. He look up as she try to think of something for him, "you're his new ego and _you_," she finish with Kalim, "be his Libido."

"Alright! Let's go to the brothel and pretend we have amnesia so we can get screwed over and over again and not pay for it" He hopped on the counter, "binge and burn, binge and burn!"

The foursome just stood there as they watch the other judges try to talk the new walking libido down, "see what you've done?" Id Lyserg spoke as he placed his hands on his hips.

"Me? I'm the angel," he gestured towards himself. "He should listen to only me, now burn down the base and take the money."

"What" Marco almost fainted, never in his life had be known such betrayal.

"Lyserg!" Jeanne shouted in anger, "this in unacceptable behavior no matter if it is your good self. I'm replacing your angel with an angel..." she raised a brow, knowing what she had just said made little sense. "As soon as we get back to the base you will conform."

Superego Lyserg twitched, without warning he pulled out a revolver and shot Id Lyserg. Id Lyserg was violently flung to the nearest wall and felt a splatter that someone would have to clean up later.  
"Move!" He ordered Lyserg as he pointed the gun at him, they backed out of the café.

There was a moment of silence, Kalim had finally been convinced that he isn't a mass of Libido (he was back to his freeloading self) and clean up was underway. Jeanne stirred within the iron maiden to speak to the Hao minion, "have any plans for the rest of the day, cutie?"

"Get. Away. From. Mari." was the reply. She couldn't take it any more, too many people knew where she eats. Walking out she walked passed Kanna, no greetings were exchanged as the blue haired woman was making a bee-line for the X-law leader.

"What do you want? You're in the presence of the grand holy iron maiden Jeanne, so I would watch your tongue." Marco prattle off as Kanna occupy the seat Mari had, "well, what is your business and leave or else our leader will unleash the power of the gate of Babylon upon you."

"Remember that weekend while everyone was treated to the hang gliding class?" Kanna said, Marco looked around a bit nervous as Jeanne had to mentally stare at him because it was impossible to do so in an iron maiden. "Well after this morning I got three cherries, twice."

"No pirate?" the Italian was starting to hyperventilate

"No, I made sure with a third," Kanna said seriously. "It was a lemon." Marco was sweating bullets, maybe it was a mistake. Or she could be lying, he _did_ use protection and she's on the pill. But the pill were really aspirin (he wasn't paying 18 patch dollars for birth control) and the condom broke at the tip.  
He almost screamed as he saw Kanna was already "showing". Without warning he suddenly threw up his hands as if he was surrendering.

"Help, my superego has a shotgun!" he looked around as he backed away, "he demands pop tarts, tasty delicious pop tarts. Those strawberry ones, all others are inferior to it, I must get my Superego some _Pop tarts_!" He felt the door behind him, spinning on his heels he barely grasp the handle, ran out and never looked back. Behind him his ladies in his life just sat there.

"He's going to pay for this," they both said.

(-)

She enjoyed driving the van, it was calming unlike those stupid sayings. Ocean her ass, she would rather run over a snake. She pulled up to the curb when this short floating thing in a X-law uniform holding a revolver to Lyserg's head came up to the passenger side, the door open and the hostage took the back as the floating thing with a bandoleer hopped into the front. Without warning Marco had pulled Lyserg out the scruff of his neck, toss him onto the sidewalk and closed the door.  
"keep driving!" they both shouted, Sally shrugged. She'll turn them in at the boarder. Superego Lyserg was laughing like a mad man but stopped for a moment, "can I turn on the radio?"

()()()

Sorry if this isn't as funny as _So wrong,_ but I need a laugh at poor Lyserg's expense. Plus I need to sink my teeth into some _real_ MorphineXLyserg hints, no matter how strange and twisted it is.


End file.
